Day 3 - From One Place to the Next

Day 3. This was our busiest day yet...

Our second morning with the boys. It was so good to wake up and have ALL my family in one place. I realize these few short days are the only time that may happen in this lifetime.

First thing, the morning starts out with the cook and maid. They both came around 8:00. Weird. Just weird. I never did get used to it. We all say we want a maid, but when you have one, well it's certainly an odd feeling. I'd sit around wondering what I should be doing while they were working.

After breakfast was a visit to the Gladney Foster Care homes. It was wonderful to see the nice clean homes with caring "mom's" for all the babies. And where, I hate to even say this, we had time for a really good conversation with one of the Gladney staff about the work Gladney is doing in Ethiopia. We aren't really baby people - as you might have guessed from our teenagers.

A coffee ceremony followed the Foster Care house tour. We got an abbreviated version instead of the tradtional hours long ceremony. We were told that most often housewives will have a coffee ceremony in their home for the neighbor women. It's a great way to welcome friends to your home. The longer the hostess takes to go through the ceremony the more welcome are the guests. The coffee came with fendisha (popcorn)!! Yum!!





It was really fun to experience this special moment with our travel companions and their children. While the coffee ceremony was going all the little kids in our group who had been at one of the Gladney houses - which was everyone but our boys- were having their "goodbye" with their special mother. These special mothers were the women who had taken care of these children since they arrived at Gladney. The children were brought back to their parents dressed in traditional clothes. It was a great opportunity for the parents to meet the women who had cared for their children before placement.

Next up was lunch at Top View with the group. This is the same restaurant we'd brought the boys to for our lunch outing on the first trip. Always great food, lots of Italian choices. And of course a fabulous view of the city.



Tip - Fun playground but watch out! There are ants (again with the African ants) like you wouldn't believe. They're as thick as the grass. They also bite. And they're climbers, just like the Kolfe ants. Why is it I have so many ant stories??? I never read about ants on other blogs.

Afer lunch was our visit with the Gladney in country rep. to the eye doctor for our Vision Fund project with Gladney....which is an entire upcoming post....we were privileged to see the first group of Kolfe boys get their eyes examined. The doctor and the boys were gracious enough to allow me to get some great photos for our fundraising partners of the procedures and the equipment being used.



Then we headed over to Kolfe for another few hours before we going to the airport that evening. R was going to be on his way home after an amazingly short trip (3 days). We'd hoped to take a trip outside Addis while he was with us, but with the Embassy date reschedule we never had a chance.

On our way to Kolfe it occured to Abel that it was WEDNESDAY. In his excitement (or stress) over everything we'd been doing/experiencing he'd completely forgotten what day of the week it was. According to Ethiopian Orthodox tradition Wednesday and Friday are fasting days, along with about 150 other days during the year. Fasting for this particular day was no meat or animal products. He'd had chicken for lunch. Not a good situation. However, I believe God will understand and give him a pass for that one day. (Please?)

As always, we had a great time visiting with all the Kolfe boys. They are SO smart. They keep you on your toes asking your thoughts about politics and religion. How many languages you speak...and one question you'd better answer correctly. Do you like Kolfe? Hmmm... the pat American answer would be "Oh it's fine". Don't want to hurt any feelings...but you can't really say that when you see the awful conditions these boys live in. Honestly the conditions at Kolfe are terrible....it is awful and no one should have to live like that. But the boys there are like boys anywhere....except maybe smarter. The boys are also so so generous. Ibrahim was part of the boys Kolfe family and he chose this day to give us all gifts. It is beyond special to receive gifts from these boys.



R was able to throw the ball around some more with the older boys. G & H spent the afternoon talking to their friends and of course group pictures never seem to get old. My camera disappeared with them for most of that afternoon. Occasionally reappearing when I was needed to take a photo or be in a photo.

At one point during the day, I saw a new ox standing on a small grassy patch....fortunately I was on my way to somewhere so instead of following through on the thought I had to go over to pet him, I passed him by...phew (the ox will be significant to the story later in the week).

After Kolfe we only had a short time to get to the airport.... but we needed food for Randon. All the flights out of Addis leave quite late in the evening so you really need to eat before getting to the airport. Our driver suggested fast food near the airport. Huh???? What???? Fast food? Not exactly American style fast food. What we got was a tiny open tin shack in a row of restaurant shacks. Verdict - great burgers.

MLK Day

I am blessed to have some very eloquent friends.

http://bottomlysandethiopia.blogspot.com/2011/01/by-josh

By Josh.
Re-visiting a word of hope on MLK Day.


Josh and Silas, November 2009
I am a white-skinned father with a black-skinned son.

Almost fours ago, my wife, Amy, and I adopted our son, Silas, from Ethiopia.

Silas turned four in December.

Today our conversations tend to revolve around our favorite snacks – yogurt and lemon pound cake at Starbucks – and favorite TV characters and movies – Elmo and Ratatouille. We also squabble very little these days. Sometimes Silas will take a swing at me when I take away the Wii joystick. And other times he’ll treat the cheese sandwich I made him for dinner like a Frisbee.

One day, though, Silas will want to talk about other things. Like the color of his skin. And my skin. And his mother’s skin. And pictures and events and people and dates he finds in his history textbook.

There are some historical dates I don’t want to broach with Silas then. August 12th, 1955, for example. That’s the day Emmett Till, a 14 year old boy, was brutally lynched in Mississippi by white, southern, “Christian” men.

Then there is September 15th, 1963. That’s the day when four little girls were killed by a white supremacist bomb at 16th Street Baptist Church in Birmingham, Alabama.

Or April 4th, 1968. That’s the fateful day Dr. King had his hope-filled voice silenced by a sniper’s gun.

But then there are days in America’s history I can’t wait to explain to Silas.

Days like December 1st, 1955, for example. The day when Rosa Parks refused to give up her bus seat to a white man. That small, defiant “no” reverberated out into a large, defiant “no more.”

There are other days, too. Like August 28th, 1963. The day Dr. King delivered his famous message, “I Have a Dream.” It was a day unlike any other day. It was a day of dreaming of another kind of America.

And then there was November 4th, 2008. Obama’s presidential victory. And then there was January 20th, 2009. Obama’s inauguration.

These are dates I look forward to telling Silas about – not as a student of history, but as a participator in making history.


Baby Silas
And I will tell Silas this: whether one voted for Obama or not, one could not argue that it was a significant symbolic moment. And a storied moment with deep biblical resonances. From hundreds of years wandering in the wilderness of prejudice and oppression. To now the new days of exploring the “milk and honey” land of equality and opportunity.

Undoubtedly, MLK glimpsed the Promised Land from a distance. Like Moses. Like a dream just beyond his grasp. But Silas, you, and others of your skin color will experience this land as a blessed reality. Like Joshua. And the nation of Israel.

I can only pray that this new land for you will shimmer with the topsoil of fresh possibility, and contain in its seedbed the promise of renewed dignity. But, Silas, there are still weeds trying to choke out these verdant seeds. For though the “color line” W.B. Dubois spoke of has been broken in America’s political establishment, it still exists in America’s religious establishment. 95% of the evangelical church, for example, still remains divided along the color line. Unfortunately, Martin Luther King Jr.’s truism stills rings true today: 11 am on Sunday morning is still the most segregated hour in America. Perhaps, though, Silas, by the time you come of age, that small, subversive 5% of the American church will have grown and spread through the body of Christ like a lush vine.

Voting though won’t bring this change.

Only Spirit-led repentance will.

I can only pray that you discover these seeds pods of repentance bursting within my heart. And your mom’s heart. And your grandparents’ hearts. And in the hearts of all of those who you know that call themselves Christ followers.

I am reminded of observing MLK Day last year. You, your mom, and I celebrated Dr. King’s legacy with our adoption community at the Queen of Sheba, a local Ethiopian restaurant. On that special day, our dear friends, Eric and Tara, received their referral picture from Ethiopia of their soon-to-be-adopted baby boy, Malak. That night we laughed and cried over Malak’s picture, ooing and awing at his large black eyes and his luminous smile.

Later that night as I lay awake in bed and reflected on that festive evening, I couldn’t help but wonder if in fact Dr. King were alive today, would he approve of couples like us and the Silvestres adopting black children. I also thought about how far we have come, from an age of colonialism, where Africans were our slaves, to this new post colonial age, where Africans are now our sons. And I wondered if Dr. King could have even dreamed of such a day when such transformation was possible. Who knows really? But it makes me wonder if at the Queen of Sheba, if just for a fleeting moment, with our bellies full of freshly baked bread, and sweet Ethiopian wine on our tongues, and with you in our arms, and Malak’s picture in front of our faces, if we did not glimpse even if for a moment, the future community of God, the eschatological days when the old age of hatred and racial division will be truly over, and a new age of love and racial harmony will have begun.

As I closed my eyes to sleep, I suddenly recalled Dr. King’s words spoken days before he was assassinated.

“The end is reconciliation;

the end is redemption;

the end is the creation of the beloved community.”

And remembering these words, Silas, I thought to myself, Perhaps the end has already begun.

-Josh Bottomly

The ultimate "why" question.

I was reading this dear friends blog today. It helped me sort out something G shared with me a few days ago that has been weighing heavily on me. We were in the midst of packing a couple of care packages for their friends at the orphanage. When G said "You know a lot of the boys get care packages. Sometimes they get visits. But they don't get a family. Why? Sometimes they give up getting a family."

Why? Isn't that the ultimate "why" question from a child?

WHY don't his friends have a family.

It is common when you visit orphanages, at least in my limited experience with Ethiopian orphanages, to have the children talk to you - be on their best behavior - show off their funniest jokes - pull out their favorite card trick. All of this is to get your attention so perhaps you will fall in love with them. Give them a family again. I know G did it. Maybe at some point he was starting to wonder if it would ever happen for him.

Now this "why" question wasn't part of some theoretical discussion for G. I was expected to provide an answer. A good answer. I'm not sure I did that.

Here's the part I'm stealing..... (thanks Lindsey)

There are so many kids who need love, a home, a family, someone to call their own. This Christmas, while you are in the midst of ham steak, wrapping paper and family, please remember that some where either next door or around the world, someone needs love, comfort, home and is praying for their Christmas wish to come true: YOU!

Hoya Hoye

Halloween was very interesting this year. It is definitely not an easy holiday to explain. Halloween is a VERY American custom.

Lots of questions.
I have to dress up?
Costume?
What is a costume?
People are going to give me candy?
Chocolate?
Are you serious?
I have to say what???

On Monday night after thinking about Halloween and deciding they really liked it (who wouldn't like a holiday where people fill your bag with chocolate and all you had to do was dress a little funny and say a few silly words) the boys explained that there is something similar in Ethiopia. It is called Hoya Hoye. Groups of boys go around their neighborhood and sing taking turns making up rhyming lyrics to the tune... if the listener likes them they get a little bit of change or some bread.

J - I think, thought they were making it up...and I'd never read anything about it - so later that night...off to the internet for a search and this is what I found...........



which led me to this....



..I LOVE IT. I surprised the boys and played it for them tonight. They listened for a few seconds and then started singing along to the Amharic parts.

That is the best thing about our boys. We learn so much from them. Every day.

A few days ago we had never heard of Hoya Hoye. Now we have. We found some awesome Amharic music in the process. The entire Bole2Harlem CD is great and it's on itunes.

And in case you didn't know.... the head of a sheep is a dog's favorite part....I learned that today!! Not everything I learn is good, unless at some point I have a hungry dog and a sheep's head that I don't know what to do with.

G & H. Betam Ewedechaulu

How's it going?

We've been home for one month.

People think we are crazy when we tell them we adopted two teenagers. I can't imagine not.

I got an email today from a boy back in Ethiopia. He saw pictures of our boys and said that he can see the change in them because of LOVE. I have to agree dear "I".... we are honored that you see it.

These are some things we've learned with, from, and for, two of our boys -

1. It only takes one month to go through a bag of berbere - or there isn't a food that can't be made better with berbere. Was
that really me who put berbere on my Stroganoff because I thought it needed something?

2. It is possible to learn Amharic - except for that ONE word

3. It is possible for teenagers to NOT be embarrassed by their parents - and in fact, when you say you are on your way home,
for them to say "Good" - and mean it.

4. Our traditional cooking must be okay since the boys back in Ethiopia are being treated to multiple pictures of every
traditional meal we've made



5. The ONLY Amharic/English dictionary sold here is "not good"

6. The tooth fairy is really hard to explain - and no, I don't need the money back but Amaseganalo for trying H

7. Not to panic when G puts food right on the flame. This boy knows what he is doing in the kitchen.


8. Don't ask why certain things are in R's car.



9. With teenagers Ethiopia is a big beautiful part of our lives - more so than we ever could have imagined


10. It doesn't get any better than this





Ciao!!

Day 2

Embassy Day

No pictures. Not because we forgot, but rather because you aren't allowed to take any photos of the inside or outside of the American Embassy. You aren't even allowed to bring a camera into the building.

After passing through a few security checkpoints, we sat down to wait with a few other Gladney families for our name to be called. Like the court date this appointment makes you nervous. If the Embassy says no, you don't get to bring your children home. I don't think I've ever heard of that happening at this stage, but when everything is in the control of some government official you still get nervous. Our name was finally called and we all went upstairs. It really does look like an old DMV office, ugly blue gray walls, awful florescent lighting. Five of us were crammed at a little counter with a glass partition between us and the embassy staff. The embassy worker looked through the file and asked questions like: Are these the children you were referred? Yes. What do you know about their history? We gave a brief summary. Etc....Easy stuff. We had to present our passports and sign a few forms. That's it... the final step in Ethiopia. We were officially official. Certified by the US government.

Next up, lunch at Island Breeze. The place was packed with a very large group of adopting families. I never felt out of place in Ethiopia except at this lunch. There were many things that were hard and difficult on this trip. I never expected lunch to be one of them. I felt uncomfortable. In Ethiopia you can't help but wonder. How did this happen? How did I get too much. All those Americans. All the Habesha children. Why? No good answers.

Kolfe. I'd been waiting for the trip to Kolfe. I wasn't sure what exactly the boys were thinking, although we knew they wanted to go back to see their friends. This time they'd be going back not as orphans any longer. I don't know if they were thinking about how this time would be different than all the others. This time they could come and go but their friends were staying. Still waiting for their own family. Maybe some day they will tell me what they were thinking that day at Kolfe.

We had a couple of missions that day. #1 was to get Abel. J and I had considered what to do very carefully before we left for Ethiopia. It was a really hard decision to come to. We wanted to do what was best for the boys yet we wanted to see Abel. It was so hard. We had originally planned on only taking him to dinner, but that just didn't seem right. Here we were going to be in Ethiopia with ALL of our children, we simply could not leave one at Kolfe while the rest of us were together. Finally, right before we left for Ethiopia we asked him to be with us and he agreed.

Abel is our son. He stayed with us from the day we could get to Kolfe to the day we had to leave, 5 days. Five sweet days to be a family.

Before any pictures were taken, Abel and all his friends escorted us up to their dorm room. They had a big surprise for us and they couldn't wait for us to see it.

Using a picture we had sent to the boys, Abel had this picture painted by one of his friends as his gift to us.



All together at last






With Ibrahim, the boys special "dad" and Gezeghn -our tour guide from the first trip. R is way in the background looking tired from throwing a football to nearly every older boy at Kolfe.

It was so good to see Abel. It was so good to see all the boys we met on our first trip. We were greeted like returning family.



We stayed for a few hours visiting and talking with the boys. School was scheduled to start a few weeks from this visit. It was great to hear how excited everyone was to start the new school year.

Trip 2 - Meeting Day (Day 1)

We arrived in Addis on Saturday night due to flight schedules but we didn't get to see the boys until Monday. We spent our time on Sunday picking up a few supplies for the apartment and some souvenir shopping. We wanted to finish our main shopping without the boys so we didn't have to drag them around to stores.... since teenage boys are known for their love of shopping... or not. Sunday night we picked up our older son, R, at the airport.

I know a few of you are traveling soon. I have just one tip.

Bring paper products. I am a big fan of paper products; toilet paper, paper towels, kleenex. Toilet paper - The airport has NONE... well okay you may get lucky and get a few little squares but don't even think about trying to dry your hands because I never once in 4 times at the airport saw a paper towel. Many restaurants also have no toilet paper or towels. I know... nice to blog about... but I'm glad someone told me in advance because it's true. Bring toilet paper - you'll be glad you did. But of course, you'll be lucky to get to use the toilet paper you brought because it can be hard to find a bathroom. Restaurants have them of course. Orphanages -Museums - The Lion Zoo - if you are fine with.....well lets just say on our first trip to Addis when I needed a bathroom our driver took me to the Sheraton. This required a stop at a heavily secured gate and all the men in the car to get out to be searched.

If you are looking for a place to stay I'd love to recommend our guest house. We were the first customers of the BnB Guesthouse. It is really close to the Gladney Care Centers in the Summit area. Not so close to the orphanages but I haven't been able to figure out if any of the guesthouses are close to the orphanages. Kolfe seems to be the farthest away from everything. Kechene and Kebebetshay are near each other and on the way to Kolfe. This guesthouse was excellent if you have an older child who you can take around with you. I'm not sure how it would work if you have a baby and need a caregiver when you go out. There are two apartments. One two bedroom, with 1 bathroom, kitchen, living area and eating area. One one bedroom with living area and kitchen. We had both. We used one as our base and the other for our older son who was in Ethiopia for just 3 days (had to get back to school). First of all it is in a nice quiet neighborhood. We had a dog bark one night but that is common everywhere in Ethiopia. The other nights were perfectly silent - no barking or chanting. We had an excellent cook for breakfast. We could have had lunch too, but we decided not to. We loved not having to share bathrooms or kitchen. It was great to have the privacy... I always feel pressured if there are people around me in a guest house, like I have to chat or make sure everyone is behaving perfectly. This was as close to being home as you can get in Addis. I know it's not rainy season anymore but if you go during rainy season the owner can get you a heater. Believe me heaters are a rarity in Addis.

The best part of our trip came on Monday when we FINALLY became a family for real. FINALLY. FINALLY.

We arrived first at the Gladney office. The boys arrived shortly afterward. They took a cab by themselves from the orphanage!! It was such a relief for us to see them - that they were finally going to be with us forever... and I think a mix of relief for them that we showed up exactly like we said we would and being scared, because really what did they know about us. Three people who don't look like them or speak any of their language. We went inside and had a meeting with the Gladney social worker to see if any of us had any questions for each other. Then - we were done. Free to go with the boys.

Not the Gladney office, but Entoto Mountain. We didn't happen to remember to take ANY still pictures only video of our meeting.

Since we had R with us for only a few days and we weren't sure exactly how to really break the ice with the boys we decided we'd show them around a little. See things they either should see again before leaving Ethiopia or see for the first time.

Entoto Mountain

Lion Zoo

Playing catch with their big brother

View from Apartment

Our first day. Over. It wasn't hard like I thought it would be. It was really just a blur. I think everyone was more than a little nervous.